Band Changelings
by BinaryHedgehog
Summary: Queen Chrysalis hatches a new plan, attack the Crystal Empire disguised as a marching band. However, her hive proves to be too incompetent. Parody of the SpongeBob episode "Band Geeks"


One day, Queen Chrysalis was wondering how to get back into the Crystal Empire. She had been flung out of the place, and almost bled to death. She got better. Suddenly, with a loud BANG!, Doomie came rushing in with his usual asinine blurt. Except this time, it was useful.

"Did you hear? They are holding the Equestria Games in the Crystal Empire! They are looking for marching bands!" Queen Chrysalis had an idea...

"You pondering what I'm pondering?" Chrysalis said

"Umm, no" responded Doomie.

"Oh, well you'll find out soon enough" Chrysalis said with a sinister grin on her face.

With her new devious plan, (pause for maniacal laugh), she went around put up a ton of posters around the hive... even the bathrooms which goes without saying freaked some changelings out. The poster read as follows:

NEW PLAN OF ATTACK!

We are attacking they Crystal Empire again, but this time we are going in disguised as a Marching Band for the Equestria Games. In order to pull this off, we need to actually be able to play like a Marching Band, so we are going to have rehearsals before we go. Practice begins tonight, 8:30PM sharp in the audience chamber.

Be there... **_or die!_**

At around 8:32 that night, Chrysalis finally started to return back to the hive... "Auuggh! That stupid rental clerk made me late! He couldn't tell the difference between an oboe and an elbow!" Chrysalis pauses for a moment and then states "Great, now I'm making puns..."

When she finally arrives, all the changelings are just standing around shouting "blah, blah, blah" to sound like incoherent conversation. The audience chamber is a large room surrounded by black, porous pillars that might remind someone of Swiss cheese. The floor is green and has a slight glow to it. Outside, the sky is purple, as it pretty much always is for some indiscernible reason. Chrysalis lands at the podium and begins to speak.

"Alright everybody, settle down!" Chrysalis yells. "Now, how many of you have played musical instruments before."

A small changeling with an executioner hood chimes in. "Do instruments of torture count?"

Chrysalis just states "No."

Soon, another changeling asks "Is mayonnaise an instrument"

Chrysalis replies with an annoyed "No, Steve, mayonnaise is not instrument." Before Steve could ask his next question, Chrysalis cuts him off with "Horseradish is not an instrument either." Being so done, she decides to start class. "Alright, now everybody repeat after me" Chrysalis plays a few notes on her clarinet. "Now the brass!" The brass repeats her correctly, but a bit poorly... "Now the winds!" The woodwinds perform on par with the brass. "Now the drums!" Sadly, all the percussionists tried to blow through their mallets and sticks and they all shot towards Chrysalis pinning her to the wall. "Too bad that didn't kill me..."

Chrysalis now begins the next lesson. "Alright, now let's try stepping in rhythm"

Doomie stands up and asks enthusiastically "Is this the part where we start kicking?"

Chrysalis replies, quite irked, "No, Doomie, that's the chorus line."

Steve stands up "Kicking? I wanna do some kicking!" He then kicks the changeling next to him. Well, that changeling didn't take that hit lightly, and she beats him up and out of the audience chamber. Steve screams, and then there is a few seconds of silence. He sticks his head into the room, "whoever stole the white carriage, you left the lights on." He then walks in as he apparently was stuffed into a trombone, making notes as he walked. When he finally sat back down, the slide came down, but oddly when he opened his mouth the sound became lower!

All Chrysalis could think at this point was _It's going to be a long week..._

Day 2...

The changelings were all marching around the outside of the hive. The path has a slight green aura to it and the black sides had stalactites growing under them. They were next to the green wall that lead into the hive, and the other side lead to a deep abyss. Within the mass, brass was in the back followed by percussion, and then woodwinds; all of which were playing quite poorly, but a bit better than the previous day. At the front was Chrysalis leading the band while walking back wards while the two-changeling Color Guard weakly twirled the red flags on the silver poles.

"Flag twirlers, I want to see some spinning!" Chrysalis yells at the Color Guard as they start to spin faster. "Come on flag twirlers, I want to see some spinning!" The Color Guard spun even faster. "Flag Twirlers, let's move!" After that the flag twirlers twirled so fast that their flags become like propellers and they flew right into a tank, causing quite the explosion. With bits of the red flag parachuting back down, Doomie plays a funeral song on his trumpet. Everybody mourns... except for Chrysalis who is now lying on the ground thinking _oh, dear goodness, what have I gotten myself into..._

Day 3...

Back in the Audience Chamber, Chrysalis asks the tiny Executioner, "How's that harmonica solo coming, Jim?"

"It's tremendous, wanna see?" Jim asks. Now when I said he was small, I meant, the-harmonica-was-way-bigger-than-him small. He runs to his first note and plays it, he now runs to next note until he is completely out of breath. He is now just spitting into the instrument as screams out in pain for him. Jim then collapses, completely breathless.

Day 4...

Chrysalis is up at the front of the Audience Chamber. "Well this is our last night together before the show" she states with fake confidence "but I can see that we got absolutely nowhere..." she adds as she sees Steve chewing on his instrument. "But I have a theory, people talk loudly when they want to act smart, right?" she adds in a last-ditch move in hopes to get them to at least sound believable.

"Correct!" Jim chimes in.

Chrysalis continues "So maybe if we play loudly, people will think we're good! Ready?" After that, all the changelings hold their instruments in excitement, and when they play... the notes crash so hard, cysts started bursting everywhere, send a strange green liquid flowing all over the hive. Chrysalis, with pinned to the wall from the sound states as her baton breaks "Okay, new theory, maybe we should play so quietly, no one can hear us."

A changeling yells out in frustration "Well maybe we wouldn't sound so bad if some of us didn't try to play with big meaty hooves."

The changeling next to him heard his insult, makes a threatening motion and asks "What did you say, punk?"

"Big, meaty, **hooves!** " the first replies in a smug fashion

"Well these hooves are not just for impersonating Big Mac!" The second changeling says as he waves his hooves in circles, itching for a fight.

"Bring it on punk, bring it on!" The first one says motioning to himself

Doomie cuts in "No guys, let's be smart and bring it off."

A fourth changeling, quite annoyed, says "Oh, so now the talking cheese is going to preach to us"

Chrysalis states worriedly, "Okay, I know tensions are high" **Boom!** A giant fight breaks out with the entire hive. Instruments are being used as jousting lances, bos, and other weapons. "There's a deposit on that equipment... **Settle down!** " Chrysalis futilely yells to try to stop the fighting, however the moment the time comes for everyone to call it a day...

"Hey! Class is over!" All the fighting stops and everyone starts to leave the audience chamber. Before they could leave, Chrysalis, fighting back tears appears at the exit.

"Well, you did it" she starts, looking like she is about to cry "you took probably our only chance and striking the Crystal Empire again, and you crushed it. Crushed it in to little, bitty, bite-sized pieces. I expected better of you, I guess I'm a loser for that, now. Don't bother showing up tomorrow, I'm going to have find a new target. So thanks, thanks for nothing." Chrysalis leaves the Audience Chamber to head up to her room, where she will then proceed to cry until her tears run dry.

Back in the Chamber, Doomie couldn't stand the guilt of see his Queen so upset, he just had to speak up. "What kind of monsters are we?" he begins. "That poor creature came to us in her hour of need, and we failed her. Chrysalis has always lead us through our conquests and has been there for us when it was convenient." Doomie walks up to the Changeling that dissed him earlier. "Sally, when your friend was trapped in a fire, who rescued him?"

Sally states in confusion "A firepony?"

Doomie then walks up to a large, muscular changeling and asks "Hans, when your heart gave out from all those canning pills, who revived you?"

Hans responds "Some guy in an ambulance."

Doomi then gets to his point "Right. So, if we can all just pretend that Chrysalis was a firepony, or some guy in an ambulance, then I'm sure that we can all pull together and discover what it truly means _to be in a marching band._ "

The changeling that instigated the entire fight yells out "Yeah! For the firepony!" All the changelings start cheering.

Doomie goes up to the podium, picks up the baton and says "Alright, let's make our Queen proud." Doomie begins the count-off "A-1, a 2, a skiddleliddledoo."

Chrysalis could only sob all day, in her bed, with a frame not much different from the rest of the hive's walls, along with green sheets and pillows, her bedroom was wide, with a green glowing floor and a purple wall. There was a black night stand to the right of it, with a phone (Don't question it, just play along). The frame hoods over and has a veil. The phone next to her rings, and she answers it with "Hello, you've reached the hive of broken dreams, please leave a message after the bawl."

A male, cocky voice came through the phone. "Sounds like you have failed again. Eh, Chrissy?"

Chrysalis immediately recognized the voice "This isn't King Pupa, the person defeated me in the takeover of Sarasaland, is it?"

The voice responds "The one and only. Word on the street is that you are planning to attack the Crystal Empire."

Chrysalis stammers a bit "Y-Y-Yeah..."

Pupa cuts her off "Well I also heard that you were planning to attack as a marching band. I would try to attack first, but I would surely love to watch you blow it"

Chrysalis, steamed, says "Well my marching band is good and ready to kick your sorry flank when we're done!" before she realizes that she called off that attack and was royally screwed.

Pupa says "Well, see you there, I hope the crowd brings lots of..." and then, in a whisper _"ibuprofen."_ And then he hangs up.

Chrysalis only had one thing to do...

The first day of the Equestria Games all the marching bands were lining up in front of the entrance to the stadium. Chrysalis, flying way above, looked sadly down, realizing that she just completely doomed any chance of leaving this day with dignity. But she looks on the bright side "Well, at least things won't be bad if-" and then turning around... " **Pupa doesn't find out!** " Pupa looked like Chrysalis, except more masculine and had blue accents instead of green. Chrysalis was completely shocked... "What are you doing here?"

"I just came to watch you blow it." Pupa states cockily. "So, where's your band?"

Chrysalis had to come up with a lie to cover her sorry flank. "Umm, they all died in a marching accident."

Pupa points behind her and asks "Then, who's that?"

Chrysalis looks behind her to see her hive in marching uniform, with Doomie at the front. Shocked, she yells " **Ahhh! That would be my band!** "

Pupa leans in to Chrysalis. "Well, Chrissy, this is exactly how I pictured your band would look" he says while taking special note of Doomie doing some kind of weird dance.

Chrysalis, in defeat, replies with "That's his... eager face." Unfortunately, they were up next, so the hive got ready to perform. "Well, I guess this is the last time I can show my face around the hives..."

Doomie enthusiastically responds with "That's the spirit, my Queen!"

In the stadium, which looked like your usual track and field area with purple seats and a clear, crystalline sky light. Ponies of all colors and races, as well both regular and crystal ponies, all crowded the stands. The announcer came over the PA "Ladies and Gentlecolts, let's give a big round of applause for this newcomer band from a foreign kingdom, the Soleanna marching band!" Chrysalis and her hive, already disguised, started to file into the stadium.

Once they were all in position, Chrysalis picked up her baton and said, quite worried, "Alright let's get this over with." She then counts off, trying to look away from what seemed to be an impending disaster. "One...Two...T-three...Four." At that moment, the Trumpets blare out with a cadence that gets the crowd pumping. Chrysalis thought she hasn't blown it all, but then, she sees Jim playing a tune on the keyboard. Her worst fears had been surpassed, they weren't playing a marching show... they we're playing "Sweet Victory" by David Glen Eisley! All Chrysalis could do was stare with a face that screamed "what the buck?" Pupa just laughed so hard. The guards knew that the band was an imposter, but they decided to let them finish since the crowd was enjoying it so much. After the performance, Chrysalis realized two things, they haven't been caught, and Pupa laughed so hard he died... so victory and vindication for her as she leaves with a smug grin. Once they get outside, however...

Two guards standing at the exit intercepted them and took them away. Chrysalis knew it was too good to be true. One blasting later, it was back to square one. With the hive just lying and bleeding, Doomie asked Chrysalis "So, how do you think it went?"


End file.
